SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
