just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
