Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
