The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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