i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
