thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude. I can hear the air.
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