Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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