I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
