I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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