dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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