I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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