Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
