Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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