Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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