Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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