so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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