never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
