I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
