we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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