Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize