She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
