Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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