As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
