a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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