the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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