It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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