I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
