Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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