Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
