his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
