If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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