You smell like a Billy Joel song
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
