I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
