i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize