Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
