his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
