Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
