She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
