im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
