I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
