it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
