i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
