Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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