We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
