Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
