My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
