You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
