I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize