I feel like abortions should bother me more
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
