hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
