i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
