Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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