I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
