? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
