Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
