Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
