Betty ford says i'm here all night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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