She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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