go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mom said you looked used
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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