i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
