apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
