I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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