i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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