Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
