Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
